July 26, 2007 It is hard for me to believe that today marks 1 year since the diagnosis of MS. A year ago today, I remember vividly; lying in my bed with numbness in my face, hands and feet and being very frustrated dealing with double vision. I was unable to keep any food down and was only able to move my body in very small ways. At one point, I had gotten tired of laying on my side and was able to get myself rolled over onto my stomach, only to find that within minutes I would begin vomiting uncontrolled and was unable to turn myself back over or move away from it. Like an infant, I cried out for help. Thankfully I have a husband and mother in law who came running, scooped me up, cleaned me up and sat and comforted me without hesitation. While all of this physical stuff was slowing my body down my mind was racing...we were awaiting the results of my MRI-brain scan. Suddenly fear totally took over and I couldn't stop crying and shaking. I could hardly catch my breath and again I was crying out for help. I remember that fear as if it were yesterday. While my mom sat holding me up and helping me regain a normal breathing pattern, Dan was on the phone with the Doctor learning of my new life changing diagnosis. It was a wild ride for the next few weeks getting my disease management drugs going and working through the emotions of having an incurable disease. In the midst of taking in all this new information, I was also beginning a new exacerbation. I lost my eyesight completely in my right eye and had a nerve tingling issue with my spine each time I moved my head down. It was such an overwhelming feeling since I was already handling symptoms from the first episode. The doctors had told me that some things may return to normal and some my not. Praise the Lord, most of the debilitating symptoms have been corrected. The only remaining problem is that my vision did not come back 100 percent. I seem to have adjusted well with what is left of it. Over this last year I have really been working through some of the emotions and trying to understand more and more what my body can physically handle before I am pushing to much. It has been a hard year on the emotions not only for the MS, Dan and I we have lost 4 loved ones. Most Recently my grandfather (my moms dad) has passed away. This has been the hardest death for me to recover from. He always called me his "Angel" but in my heart he was mine. The sound of his voice always brought a smile to my face, even in the toughest of times. After my diagnosis last summer, I remember sitting on my back patio and talking on the phone with him. Even in a time when he was battling his own health issues he brought laughter to my tired heart and encouraged my weak spirit. I will remember the sound of his voice for the rest of my life. I will miss him tremendously. On Monday, I have an MRI to check the physical changes on the brain this last year and Tuesday I will have my follow up and annual check up with the Neurologist. I have a had a really good year physically speaking and am praying all is well. BUT you all know me....I am riddled with anxiety and stress and can't wait for it to be over! So to wrap up the year...it has been a hard one...probably the hardest year for me to date in my life...but God has really been faithful to show me where He is....and thankfully He has been holding me along the way, because there have been many wonderful things this year as well.
